Tuesday, May 1, 2012
My Little Secret
H has been sick for going on 5 years now. 5 years she will never get back. 5 years that she has been homebound more than not. I hate it, with every fiber in my being. I want her well. We feel like we are finally on the right track and are seeing mini steps toward improvements, but there is still a very long way to go. When I let myself to go the dark what if places, or think of the regrets of all she has missed, one thought brings me back. And it's totally selfish. I would miss her. We have spent more time together, just she and I. We have battled the doctors trying to figure out what is wrong. We have shared a love of reading, corny movies and music. (okay, she keeps me up on the latest music and introduces me to bands I know I wouldn't find on my own!). We have shared watching baby E grow and confession time, H is much more strict that I am! All of this I would miss terribly. So, maybe this is my way of turning one ugly lemon into lemonade. I'd give anything to have her well, but part of me would have a hard time giving back this time together.