Wednesday, May 16, 2012
We had many traditional Mother's Day years. Handmade cards, various breakfast, flowers. I adore the handmade anything. Pencil holders, poems with handprints. Love, love, love! This was our first year as adoptive parents and it really had me thinking. How to best celebrate this day as well as acknowledging the fact that 2 of our children have another mother. We don't scoot around this in our home. We are as open and honest as we can be, given their ages. We have a very open adoption and relationship with Baby E's biomom. So much so she texted me to wish me a happy day. We want this to continue, we don't want Baby E to ever feel uncomfortable with knowing her biology. As she grows we will have to begin explaining to her who this woman is, for now she is a nice lady we see who is fun. But then there is A's biomom. We can't have contact. No way, no how. She is extremely mentally ill and there is no way to be assured that she will respect what is in A's best interest. Not to mention, we are coping with the fall out of anger poor A has toward her biomom. This is anger she has earned, and getting through it is a huge step in her attachment and healing. But her biomom would never be able to understand that. So, for the past week I have had on my mind how we are going to acknowlege her heritage when there is nothing positive to say about this person. She gave birth to her. But she has neglected A, abused her and left her in situations where she was abused by others. How can we look past the hurts? How do we get past the anger we have? We are angry at the abuse, angry that we are the ones picking up the pieces. We have been thrust into a world we never imagined, trauma parenting. It's not fun! It's pretty darn icky at times. Other times it's heartbreaking beyond belief. We want A, but for A's sake, it would be so much better if she didn't have to come to us. She should have a "normal" childhood, raised by the people she was born to. There is no easy answer here. Lots of wishes. As with everything, we will continue trying our best to adapt to the new situations as they come. Mother's Day will never be quite the same. But, as in years past, we had a yummy breakfast! I also received a beautiful handmade card. Having kids in the make a card age again is such a blessing and I am treasuring every minute!